Discouraged!

So do you ever feel frustrated and discouraged because things just don't go how you have always dreamed? Trust me, I know that life isn't like that because I have lived through a lot of it already at 27 years old and I will never give up and I will always keep pushing. But I guess it would be nice if something could just work out. Don't get me wrong I have a GREAT life and I am so lucky but I am feeling frustrated.

Well I am so past that point with this wedding. Everything is just one thing after another and to be honest I just can't do it anymore. I don't have energy...it has been drained completely from me. I try to do everything I can for my friends and family and I just feel like at the end of the day it maybe isn't worth it because I don't always get the same respect or treatment in return. I don't know. I hate to be that way.

I just think I need to go to a spa or something and get rid of all of this built up stress. I think I have hit my breaking point. I have done everything I can to think positive and put a smile on my face with things but sometimes it gets hard. And tonight it finally did! I finally broke down and started crying. For those that know me and everything I have been dealing with lately know that I have been strong and haven't let this bother me to this point but I think I have been holding it in so long that it hit me.

Okay well I will get over it. I am a big girl and strong for sure. I have always risen above all and don't plan on stopping now. I just wish for once it would be easier and less stress for such a very special day. It just gets to the point where you can't keep giving and giving and never get anything back.

"Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Dream, Today is What Counts!"

Just a few parting words to think about.

"It seems so much more REAL now"

So today I had my VERY first fitting for my wedding dress. Yes I know you are all probably sick hearing about it all. But today was different for me. So Steve and I have been together for almost 4 years (actually it will be 4 years a month after our wedding) and we have lived together for 3 and have been friends for almost 6 years so getting married won't be a huge change in our lives. We have been engaged for almost 1 1/2 years which is longer than normal so I feel like the day would never come. But now I am looking at less than two months till I will be married to the man of my dreams.

Today it hit me a little bit more. I was SO nervous for my first fitting which is crazy because I have already tried the dress on! But I was nervous because I want it to be perfect and when I told Steve that he said "Babe it will be perfect because you will be wearing it"! Wow...I love him. Sometimes sweet things like that are needed and today and that minute was one moment when it was. I am normally not like that as far as "needing" to hear things like that...not that I don't love them but I don't expect them or need them to get through my day.

Anyway, so today I went to my first dress fitting....my second one is April 27th. So I tried on my dress which was big because I have lost weight so it will need to be taken in but I love it. I had a great audience....Bonnie (Steve's mom), Stephanie (Steve's sister), my mom, and my cousin Barb were there. They all loved it and just made me feel better but them seeing it made it seem more real you know. Even his sister sent me a text later today saying the same thing "it seems much more real now".

I am not nervous to marry Steve because I know he is perfect but I am more nervous that the day is perfect and that everyone has a great time! I haven't really been super excited for the day because of a lot of drama that has been going on but that doesn't mean I am not nervous for the day to be as perfect as it can for us and everyone!!!!

Well...it was a good day! And it opened my eyes letting me know that the day is really around the corner. I have a beautiful dress, Paris Hilton "rocking" shoes, loving friends, supportive family and the main of my dreams....that is what I am excited for! I am ready for a lot of laughs and dancing to celebrate our love for each other.

March 15th - Almost there....

Only TWO more months to go till I am Mrs Ashley Donovan. That is so weird to write.

March 14th REPLAY....My Second Bridal Shower

Okay so I had my second Bridal Shower on March 14th! It was at Culpepper's in Kirkwood. It was so much fun! This shower was for Steve's side of the family mainly. Which is HUGE! :) I do think that when it is the guy's family they should be there to help make it easier since you don't always know everyone. But his mom did a great job reminding me of who everyone was!

His sister knows me and we have the same taste in things....I am not a big fan of games! So there were no games at the shower which was nice! And then I went straight to opening presents! It was fun! I got some AMAZING gifts! And soo many that Steve and I need to move to a bigger house. Ha!

Look at this killer cake they got for me too! It is awesome. The decorations were perfect too! Thank you to everyone that was there to support Steve and I and thanks for our wonderful gifts!

Thanks to Stephanie and Bonnie for throwing a great shower for me. My second great shower in fact! I am so lucky!

March 8th REPLAY

So March 8th was a BIG day for my soon to be family!

Stephanie (Steve's Sister) and Shane (her husband) found out they are having a BABY BOY! They are so excited. I kept saying it was going to be a boy and everyone thought it was going to be a girl! I knew they REALLY wanted a boy but would be happy either way!

Stephanie is due July 22nd! We are now calling baby Reckert....Donovan Michael Reckert! Isn't that SO cute! Donovan is Stephanie's maiden name (my soon to be new last name) and Michael is Shane's middle name! I just love it. I love unique names! It makes it even more special.

CONGRATS to my soon to be sister-in-law! I love them so much and Steve and I are SO excited to be an Aunt and an Uncle. Then I guess it will be our turn next....but down the road. :) Not too far down that road though...we are not getting any younger!

March 1st REPLAY

Wedding Invitations went OUT! Hooray! Now we just play the waiting game!

We actually made the invitaions ourselves and even though it was a LONG weekend in October to do this we have gotten SO many compliments on them so far from people. Everyone says how beautiful and unique they are which is just what we wanted. Shoot we are getting married at an Art Gallery so we had to keep the theme going. We were worried that they would look "home made" but they don't at all! Pat on the back to us!

Thanks to my mom, my cousin Barb and one of my mom's friends from UMSL! It was a 4 day process but it is worth it in the long run. Something to be proud of!

WOW...I need to get better at this!

Well...again...it has been over a month since I write something! I use to be so good at this. I guess working long hours at work and running crazy afterwards has kept me off the computer...so let me catch you up!

February
- My First Bridal Shower was on Feb 20th and it was a lot of fun. My maid of honor, Katie threw me the shower which was small and more of a friend shower and it was great! I am not a big shower person and this was perfect! She did an amazing job. And only ONE game...thank goodness! Thanks to everyone that came and celebrated. I got some amazing gifts and some were so personal which are always the best ones! This same weekend one of my greatest friends from College came in and who is one of my bridesmaids. It was so good to see her and hang out with her and her boyfriend. We had an amazing weekend with them! I wished they lived here but they had to return to Kansas City.

- Then one of my good friends had a surprise party. Actually her husband threw one for her and surprised the hell out of her! ha ha ha! It is so fun to be apart of that. Especially the look on her face! Classic! We had so much fun just hanging out with friends and catching up. Unfortunately, we are all so busy that it is hard to always make time so it was nice to just relax and spend time together. Happy 30th Kelly!

- Had jewelry parties here and there and of course wedding stops to make! Never ending....

- Well then I got horribly sick! UGH! I was sick for 15 days straight and I am still on meds as we speak but I am finally getting better.

- So with everything that has been going on in my life with the wedding and stuff I have lost 10 pounds....did I need to...probably not but it was one of those things that happened and everyone tells me that I will lose more right before the wedding!

Those are my big points in February but of course I have been working like crazy at work too and just going non-stop!

More to come for March!